My Love

My Love
Originally uploaded by Smith 6.

I miss my husband so much. He is the rock of our family and life is so weird and hard without him. He sent a box home the other day that just had some miscellaneous stuff in it, and I just cried and held the things that I knew my husband had touched. I haven't seen Shane since August 29th. It just feels unreal. I don't even know if there are words to explain what I feel. This home is so full of Shane. Everywhere I look I see my husband. I sleep on his side of the bed, sit in his spot at the kitchen table, drink from his coffe cup, and wear his shirts. None of this is really what I want. I want to hear Shane come home from work and kiss me like he always did, and then move on to what usually turned into some kind of wrestling match with our kids. I want him to ask me whats for dinner, or if I know where he left his keys. I want him to open my door for me, and hold my hand as we walk somewhere. I want Shane to see our baby girl roll over, and smile that toothless smile, show off her dimples and her eyes that are turning brown. I want my husband to fix the leaky toilet, replace the broken light fixture, and make sure our children are ok . That's what I want. But right now, I get to be strong. Because that is what I need to be. My Lord has given me this strength for now. I will carry on, do my best and uphold our family. Our children will be ok, we will be ok. Why? Because our help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth. He who watches over us will not let our foot slip, He who watches over us will not slumber, The Lord watches over our coming and going. Psalm 121.
I love this picture. I love to see Shane smile. He has great dimples! There are some of the kids' drawings behind him. It's kindof weird to see some of here over there.
Shane isn't exactly having the time of his life. He is out on a project, where he sleeps in a tent and maybe has a luke warm shower. He gets half of Sunday off, where he says all the guys sleep during that time. He will most likely stay there until he comes home. Hopefully sometime in March. (Please Lord!)
March really seems just around the corner. We will hang on until he returns to us.
We love you Shane, and we wait for you, and pray for you every day. We talk about you all the time, and talk about what we are going to do when you get home. Tyler wants to get a dog, but Zack says he can't bacause he's getting a pony and a dog might chase his pony. Jordan talks about how her daddy calls her Baby Girl, and Ryan kisses your pictures and says, "Hi, Da da." Charlee knows who you are. Because her spirit knows her daddy, and because I tell her all about her daddy. I tell her how great you are. How strong, yet how gentle. How you sacrifice so much for others, and how much you love her and can't wait to meet her.
I am so in love with you, Shane. I would wait forever for you.